


I ain't missing you

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8744440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared's thoughts about Jensen





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

As I sit lay here in bed, I think about you. It happens so often that I feel it's become a part of my every day ritual. I get up, I think about you. I eat, I think about you. I go to sleep thinking about you. The reaction never changes. I always catch my breath, like the first time I saw you. You always did that to me. And it never went away. I guess though, it's my fault. We both agreed it would be better to end it. And even though I saw the pleading look in your eyes to say something, I turned away. So yeah, in a sense I know why you left. But why didn't you speak up, say that I meant more to you than some fling. But you didn't. And now I feel as if a storm has been raging within my since that night. I constantly war with myself about you. I have this deep yearning to just pick up the phone and call, put an end to this suffering. But then there's the other part of me and I know I could never do that to Gen. So I try to move on without you. It's hard you know, when I hear your name in the acting circles. The up and coming new director. Everybody is vying to get you. I just smile, thinking about how nervous you were the first time did it on Supernatural. But you got better and I was so proud of you. That's really the first time I knew that I was in love with you. I try to tell myself that ain't missing you at all, but I know it's a lie. Hell, even my friends ask me why I don't see and you and at least tell you how I feel. They're right. Even if we could at least be friends, that would be something. I wonder if Gen knows. Everyone once in a while I'll see her give me a sad look, like she's been reading some epic Greek tragedy. And I think she's right. If two people were ever meant to be together, it's me and Jensen. And I think to myself that I'm losing the battle within me. I've become so desperate to see your face that I keep your faded picture with me at all times. I'm surprised that it hasn't tore from all the man handling it has had. But I grab it again and caress it. Like maybe I can touch you through it and I start to cry. I can't do this anymore. I have to talk to him. I don't know if it will end the way I want them to, but at least I'll have tried. And maybe one way or another my heart will come out intact. I get up and dial the number that has been burning on my fingers since the day we said goodbye. I hear you pick up and with one word my heart crumbles."Hello?" I hear him say. And then I hang up. I decided I definitely can't do this. It doesn't matter because really, I ain't missing you at all. And with that thought, I go to sleep. Maybe tonight I will get a half way decent night's sleep.


End file.
